some CLASSICAL smackdown

I'm having a classical-music kind of day today.

I like a lot of different composers, and I like different types of classical music.
What I DON'T like is having to wade through three thousand crappy versions of the song I want to hear before I find a good copy of it to listen to. See, I LIKE these songs, and I don't appreciate hearing them butchered, either with an excess of speed or with bad acoustics.

I do prefer professionals--Zimerman, Richter, Yundi, and so on--but I am perfectly okay with listening to a good amateur play it properly. Unfortunately, good amateurs are hard to find.

Listen up, you little punks. Don't you post up some song you just learned and use the "description" section to apologize for the bad sound quality. If the sound sucks, WHY did you post it? Must you really give the world the gift of your fuzzy, distorted rendition of Bach's prelude in C minor? No! Lots of video cameras are capable of getting decent sound quality, so what is holding you up? Get a camera, PUT IT ON A TRIPOD (this is so crucial--I get seasick every time your mom videotapes you), and play away. Don't race through the piece at breakneck speed, and we'll get along just fine. But if your video doesn't turn out so well? SPARE US ALL. Don't put it on YouTube. Get different equipment and try again.

And, for heaven's sake, here's a good general rule for all of YouTube: IF YOU SHOT IT ON YOUR CAMERAPHONE, IT HAS NO BUSINESS ON YOUTUBE. OR ANYWHERE. JUST DELETE IT. DELETE IT NOW.

Is that so much to ask?