Things that have been annoying me lately on the Globe and Mail website.

1. Anti-union comments:
This started a while back and continues even now: Rabid Torontonians and "helpful" members of other municipalities and/or countries offer suggestions like "Let's be Reagan...just fire all of these lazy morons and hire new garbage collectors" or "How about we publish the addresses of the union members and dump our trash on their lawns!" I am not sure if these people are just perilously ignorant of how a union works, or genuinely misanthropic.

Let's get something straight: I am not unionized; I have no agenda in favour of or against unions. But there's a world of difference between a unionized worker and the union itself. If you don't like the way or the fact that a strike is happening, you can complain about the union. You can complain about the union captain, who called the strike. But you never, ever antagonize the people who belong to that union, because they are not calling the shots. A union works because all of its members agree to take collective action to defend their interests. When a strike is called, the union only has power when everyone goes on strike...not just fifteen guys who feel like taking a break. To work when others stop is more or less treason. So how dare these high-handed elitists who are angry about having to drive somewhere to dispose of their trash scorn the union members for doing what has been commanded of them?

2. Anti-health care comments:
Another one that's been raging for awhile, ever since Obama announced his plans for reforming US health care. Nobody believes Canada's healthcare system is perfect. We struggle, we know that. But seriously? Stop using us as your poster child for how socialized medicine can go wrong. Ask any Canadian (well, outside petrodollar-flush Alberta) if they'd rather trade our system for the American one. You will get a firm and resounding NO from the overwhelming majority. We are proud of our universal health care; we don't care to be told we shouldn't be.

3. Antivaccinationists/conspiracy theorists:
I've heard enough from just about every party on the H1N1 issue...vaccine makers, government officials, the WHO (incidentally, an organization I feel would benefit from transforming themselves into the band The Who), scientists, doctors, etc. But the people who are talking the loudest and in the most grating tones are the antivaccinationists and conspiracy theorists who are clogging up the comments page with their declarations of the imminent danger of influenza vaccines.

Some people like to point to the Guillain-Barre syndrome episode of the 1970s (as if medical and vaccine technology hasn't changed AT ALL in nearly 40 years). Others just like to foam at the mouth about how Big Pharma is trying to subdue us all with mind-control drugs. Seriously, what is it about a pandemic that brings all the crazies out of the woodwork? I'm not saying we need to be handing out Tamiflu and other antivirals like candy; I'm saying people need to shut their mouths. Get the flu shot, don't get the flu shot, I don't really care. But stay the hell away from me if you choose not to be vaccinated.

4. This:

"Researchers at the University of Oxford cautioned about the broad use of anti-viral drugs to treat children 12 years of age and younger suffering from seasonal flu. They found anti-viral drugs have little or no effect on asthma flare-ups, ear infections or bacterial infections in children."

Really? The antivirals weren't working?

Maybe it's because none of that shit is caused by viruses!

Asthma is an autoimmune response brought on by triggers such as pollen, smog, and exercise. Bacteria are by far the most common source of pain-causing middle ear infections, especially in children. And should ANYONE be surprised that antivirals do a bad job of curing bacterial infections? Really, Oxford? Really?

5. Anti-Globe and Mail comments:
So you don't like the Globe. You think it's reporting frivolous trash not worthy of even Page Six mention. Excellent. HOW ABOUT YOU STOP READING IT, THEN.

some CLASSICAL smackdown

I'm having a classical-music kind of day today.

I like a lot of different composers, and I like different types of classical music.
What I DON'T like is having to wade through three thousand crappy versions of the song I want to hear before I find a good copy of it to listen to. See, I LIKE these songs, and I don't appreciate hearing them butchered, either with an excess of speed or with bad acoustics.

I do prefer professionals--Zimerman, Richter, Yundi, and so on--but I am perfectly okay with listening to a good amateur play it properly. Unfortunately, good amateurs are hard to find.

Listen up, you little punks. Don't you post up some song you just learned and use the "description" section to apologize for the bad sound quality. If the sound sucks, WHY did you post it? Must you really give the world the gift of your fuzzy, distorted rendition of Bach's prelude in C minor? No! Lots of video cameras are capable of getting decent sound quality, so what is holding you up? Get a camera, PUT IT ON A TRIPOD (this is so crucial--I get seasick every time your mom videotapes you), and play away. Don't race through the piece at breakneck speed, and we'll get along just fine. But if your video doesn't turn out so well? SPARE US ALL. Don't put it on YouTube. Get different equipment and try again.

And, for heaven's sake, here's a good general rule for all of YouTube: IF YOU SHOT IT ON YOUR CAMERAPHONE, IT HAS NO BUSINESS ON YOUTUBE. OR ANYWHERE. JUST DELETE IT. DELETE IT NOW.

Is that so much to ask?

It's time for some SMACKDOWN

E:
Either you stop singing in that delightfully grating coloratura soprano voice, PARTICULARLY past midnight or before 8 am, or your vocal cords are gonna have to go. And don't you shoot your big mouth off to me about the lack of cutlery in the drawer. You need a spoon, snowflake? WASH ONE. I'm not your mother, I'm a science student. I am BUSY, unlike drama comms who have too much free time on their hands to devote to endless vocal practice and talking TOO LOUDLY on the phone.

Idiots in my human phys class:
LEAVE OUR PROFESSOR THE FUCK ALONE! I am sick of having these kinds of conversations:
Idiots: Hey, how come we got zero on this assignment?
Prof: 'Cause you cheated, that's why.
Idiots: We didn't cheat!
Prof: You have the exact same word-for-word answer for numbers four, seven, and ten. You even made the same spelling mistake here.
Idiots: Oh, but we didn't cheat, I barely helped my friend at all, we didn't copy, etc. etc.
Prof: But you must have! YOUR ANSWERS ARE EXACTLY THE SAME!
Idiots: This is ridiculous, you're stupid, etc.
Me: Gentlemen. Prof. X is not attempting to defame your character--though I certainly would. All she is saying is that it's okay to help each other or use the Internet--but you have to PARAPHRASE, not copy directly.
Does everyone know what paraphrasing is?
Does anyone think paraphrasing is beyond their intellectual capabilities?
Good. Now let's all apologize to Dr. X for being rude. Very good.

Now, one of these boys is probably going to firebomb my house, and I'm not going to appreciate that very much.

T:
Stop coming to class high. They're not diet pills, they're amphetamines. SPEED. STOP TAKING THEM.

(A/N: Here, I'm going to use the word "snowflake" [or.: RYS --> see right link list if you have yet to experience the hilarity].)

Listen up, you little snowflakes.
I don't care if you don't feel like studying the twelve chapters left after midterms for your final exam.
I don't care if you don't feel like reading a chapter on your own.
I don't care if you think the professor should change the syllabus to suit your personal tastes or desires.
I don't care if you want to pass a class or get your degree without doing any work, because that's what you're asking for. You're trying to minimize the amount of work you have to do in this class by asking for all of these chapter reductions and lecture downsizings. And I'm done with you.
Listen up. You're here to learn. If you don't want to be here, just skip the class. Hell, drop the class. Doesn't matter to me. Get lost.
And you'd better not be the same little punks who, just last week, were whining to me because the teachers were "keeping you out of class" with their big, mean strike. You wanted to learn last week; why are you wasting my time now? Why are you disrupting the lecture you were so hot be in just seven days ago?
Put up or shut up, snowflakes, or somebody's gonna get smacked.