Julian Assange is a terrorist.
No, he doesn't even deserve the name "terrorist". He's a sulky little boy, a thug, a back-alley blackmailer.
"Listen up, world. Do what I want, or there's going to be a lot of trouble!"
He distributed the entire, uncensored, WikiLeaks file to tens of thousands of people, with only an encryption key preventing those people from actually accessing the material. However, he says, should he be brought to trial for any of his assorted crimes, he'll reveal the encryption key, millions of pages of classified documents will be freely available, and diplomatic relations between every country in the world are all going to hell.
Assange claims he's using the WikiLeaks key as an "insurance policy". He also said, likely in the same breath, that he'll release this "thermonuclear device" if his demands aren't met.
Now, I'm all for government clarity and transparency, but these documents aren't just financial records and self-congratulatory Post-it notes transferred between Cabinet ministers over their latest tax-dollar rip-off - among hundreds of thousands of pages of sensitive material, there are classified military documents in that package, including information about current service members currently serving in missions across the globe. How can anyone justify releasing that kind of information all over the Internet? What kind of a monster decides that his escape from justice means that men and women who volunteered their lives to fight or keep peace overseas now get to have their troop positions and battle plans dished out to any private citizen with a CPU and a modem?!
And, here's the kicker - Assange isn't just trying to escape a rap for sedition or treason or whatever else you get charged with when you are a MAJOR ASSHOLE - he's trying to get out of rape charges - yes, he's using his status as founder and protector of WikiLeaks to avoid going to jail for sexually assaulting women, which is not only utterly heinous but also a crime totally unrelated to him publishing tons of really important government shit.
When someone hauls this idiot out of the Swedish woods, feel free to bring him on over to my place and I'll drop him with an M15 carbine - thanks to WikiLeaks, I'll know where to pick one up from my friendly local armed forces personnel!
Wednesday 8 December 2010
Saturday 4 December 2010
DEAR AMERICA:
IF YOU BANNED HANDGUNS, THINGS LIKE THIS COULD HAPPEN IN YOUR COUNTRY TOO
There is very little explanation needed here - a man killed his father. In a library. With a crossbow.
Yes.
There is very little explanation needed here - a man killed his father. In a library. With a crossbow.
Yes.
Sunday 7 November 2010
G&M EXPLODES WITH RIDICULOUS
DENSITY (EXCUSE ME WHILE I GEEK OUT)
Neat density-related facts I have discovered this month:
1) When diet and non-diet soft drinks are placed together in a bucket of ice-water for the purpose of keeping them cool, the sugar in the non-diet drinks increases their density enough that they sink, while diet drinks float near the top.
2) In my 50-pack of Halloween candy (thank you, November 1st!), a natural resettling of the candy bar contents moved most of the high-density, rice-crisp-based Mr. Big bars towards the top of the box, while the denser, nougat- or caramel-based Wunderbar and Caramilk bars moved towards the bottom.
NANOWRIMO
For those not in the know of quirky literary events, NaNoWriMo is an international event where participants strive to write a 50,000-word novel during the month of November. Naturally, once a thing is around long enough, people start being assholes about it.
NaNoWriMo has been accused of being everything from self-indulgent to an affront to real literature to a useless expenditure of time.
At its heart, NaNoWriMo is about doing something huge, something that people often say they'd like to do "some day", and saying, Why not today? Why not do something big and fun that scares you a little? It's about shaking off the chains of needing perfection right from the start, and finding the fun in a tough, but not insurmountable, challenge. Yes, maybe your final product shouldn't ever see the light of day, but it isn't about creating publishable material or degrading literature with one month's worth of low-quality output. It isn't really about the destination, about the 50,000 words at all. It's about doing something, doing anything, without being crippled by fear or perfectionism or even procrastination. NaNo doesn't make you a better writer, it makes you a better person. So to criticize NaNo for producing hastily-written, unpolished manuscripts is completely besides the point.
THIS IS NOT HOW LIBEL WORKS
Ontario PC caucus leader Tim Hudak accused a Liberal minister of tweeting statements that were both libelous and unworthy of a cabinet minister, and demanded a public apology or the minister's resignation. First of all, judging by the list of words and phrases that are banned from further use in the House of Commons, I don't see how this particular statement is somehow "beneath the role of a cabinet minister". Secondly, I distinctly remember learning in Grade 11 Law that the one group of people who could not accuse others of libel were elected politicians. This is a pretty neat amendment when you consider that it prevents us from going to jail for criticizing the government's policies or calling the prime minister a buckethead. So, no matter how offended Hudak may have felt by being lumped in with Harper and Rob Ford in the "trifecta of republican-style, right wing ignorance and bigotry", he has no recourse to call anything libelous, no matter from which side of the House it emanates.
BREAKING INTERNATIONAL LAW IS TOTALLY JOKES, GUYS
The lawyer representing an Asian youth who disguised himself as an elderly white man in order to board a flight from Hong Kong to Canada called the Canadian Border Services Agency "negligent" for releasing photos of his client in and out of the mask, and demanded a media publication ban on the photos in order to protect his client's privacy. Privacy? If you want privacy, how about next time you don't violate international law by impersonating someone else on a flight to Vancouver! Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about a Globe reader recognizing him - the majority of the people who read this newspaper undoubtedly think all Asians look the same.
PEDOPHILES
Amazon.com is being slammed by the public for allowing a self-published e-book geared towards helping pedophiles stay within the law to be available through its website. At first glance, this seems like a no-brainer - a how-to guide for pedophiles doesn't belong on the market. But look a little deeper, and again, we butt up against the issue of harm reduction vs. standing on principle. Yes, the rape and molestation of children is abhorrent. But it continues to this day despite legislation against it. This book seems not to be so much focused on how to evade police, but on safe forms of release for people whose sexual preference falls on minors - i.e. forms that do not actually involve the touching or molestation of a child! We have a choice - continue to stick to the principle that pedophilia is wrong, or accept that, despite its wrongness, pedophilia continues to exist, and that a book that helps pedophiles find other ways of handling their feelings without actually harming children might be a worthwhile product. There is such a thing as dangerous information...but this isn't it.
Neat density-related facts I have discovered this month:
1) When diet and non-diet soft drinks are placed together in a bucket of ice-water for the purpose of keeping them cool, the sugar in the non-diet drinks increases their density enough that they sink, while diet drinks float near the top.
2) In my 50-pack of Halloween candy (thank you, November 1st!), a natural resettling of the candy bar contents moved most of the high-density, rice-crisp-based Mr. Big bars towards the top of the box, while the denser, nougat- or caramel-based Wunderbar and Caramilk bars moved towards the bottom.
NANOWRIMO
For those not in the know of quirky literary events, NaNoWriMo is an international event where participants strive to write a 50,000-word novel during the month of November. Naturally, once a thing is around long enough, people start being assholes about it.
NaNoWriMo has been accused of being everything from self-indulgent to an affront to real literature to a useless expenditure of time.
At its heart, NaNoWriMo is about doing something huge, something that people often say they'd like to do "some day", and saying, Why not today? Why not do something big and fun that scares you a little? It's about shaking off the chains of needing perfection right from the start, and finding the fun in a tough, but not insurmountable, challenge. Yes, maybe your final product shouldn't ever see the light of day, but it isn't about creating publishable material or degrading literature with one month's worth of low-quality output. It isn't really about the destination, about the 50,000 words at all. It's about doing something, doing anything, without being crippled by fear or perfectionism or even procrastination. NaNo doesn't make you a better writer, it makes you a better person. So to criticize NaNo for producing hastily-written, unpolished manuscripts is completely besides the point.
THIS IS NOT HOW LIBEL WORKS
Ontario PC caucus leader Tim Hudak accused a Liberal minister of tweeting statements that were both libelous and unworthy of a cabinet minister, and demanded a public apology or the minister's resignation. First of all, judging by the list of words and phrases that are banned from further use in the House of Commons, I don't see how this particular statement is somehow "beneath the role of a cabinet minister". Secondly, I distinctly remember learning in Grade 11 Law that the one group of people who could not accuse others of libel were elected politicians. This is a pretty neat amendment when you consider that it prevents us from going to jail for criticizing the government's policies or calling the prime minister a buckethead. So, no matter how offended Hudak may have felt by being lumped in with Harper and Rob Ford in the "trifecta of republican-style, right wing ignorance and bigotry", he has no recourse to call anything libelous, no matter from which side of the House it emanates.
BREAKING INTERNATIONAL LAW IS TOTALLY JOKES, GUYS
The lawyer representing an Asian youth who disguised himself as an elderly white man in order to board a flight from Hong Kong to Canada called the Canadian Border Services Agency "negligent" for releasing photos of his client in and out of the mask, and demanded a media publication ban on the photos in order to protect his client's privacy. Privacy? If you want privacy, how about next time you don't violate international law by impersonating someone else on a flight to Vancouver! Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about a Globe reader recognizing him - the majority of the people who read this newspaper undoubtedly think all Asians look the same.
PEDOPHILES
Amazon.com is being slammed by the public for allowing a self-published e-book geared towards helping pedophiles stay within the law to be available through its website. At first glance, this seems like a no-brainer - a how-to guide for pedophiles doesn't belong on the market. But look a little deeper, and again, we butt up against the issue of harm reduction vs. standing on principle. Yes, the rape and molestation of children is abhorrent. But it continues to this day despite legislation against it. This book seems not to be so much focused on how to evade police, but on safe forms of release for people whose sexual preference falls on minors - i.e. forms that do not actually involve the touching or molestation of a child! We have a choice - continue to stick to the principle that pedophilia is wrong, or accept that, despite its wrongness, pedophilia continues to exist, and that a book that helps pedophiles find other ways of handling their feelings without actually harming children might be a worthwhile product. There is such a thing as dangerous information...but this isn't it.
Tuesday 5 October 2010
EVERYONE NEEDS TO MOVE TO BRAZIL
The tagline for this article by G&M writer Chris Frey:
"Tiririca (or Grumpy) the clown wins big with Brazilian voters on campaign of ‘Vote Tiririca! It can’t get any worse,’ but may be brought down by alleged illiteracy."
There is nothing else I can say. I would like to applaud the nation, the clown, and this writer, for reminding us all that truth is by far stranger than fiction.
The tagline for this article by G&M writer Chris Frey:
"Tiririca (or Grumpy) the clown wins big with Brazilian voters on campaign of ‘Vote Tiririca! It can’t get any worse,’ but may be brought down by alleged illiteracy."
There is nothing else I can say. I would like to applaud the nation, the clown, and this writer, for reminding us all that truth is by far stranger than fiction.
Thursday 9 September 2010
BRITISH SCIENTISTS SECRETLY HATE THE ENGLISH TOO
Britain. What are you people smoking over there, and where can I get some?!
Apparently, some British scientists are recommending that single servings of cholesterol-lowering drugs called statins be given to fast-food customers along with their extra-value-double-up-big-whatever meal, in order to offset the damage done to the heart by eating food high in fat and cholesterol.
OK, I already dislike statins because I believe they give people the impression that they can just take a pill instead of making productive changes to their lifestyle in order to improve their health. Well, guess what? When you hand someone a statin with their Big Mac, you're not just giving an impression - you might as well hand out leaflets that say, "Stay on the couch! Eat Big Macs every day! Do not take the dog for a nice long walk - these pills will save you!"
And the worst part is, they won't. High LDL cholesterol is but one warning sign for heart problems - others include obesity, inactivity, and high blood pressure. Obesity and inactivity feed off each other, and tend to be supported by a diet rich in Chicken McNuggets and extra-large Cokes. High blood pressure is very commonly due to overconsumption of sodium - i.e., that stuff they sprinkle on your fries. Since dispensing statins along with SuperSize burgers only give the false impression that eating fast-food is okay, I can only assume that these scientists are actually secretly attempting to kill off much of the British population.
One more problem - the article states that statins cost "about the same as a packet of ketchup". Oh yeah? Then why the hell are some of my customers at the pharmacy paying ninety dollars a prescription for Lipitor?! Or is it only multi-national fast food conglomerates that get the special discount price?
RAT TAIL THE WORK OF EVIL POLITICAL OPPONENT...PROBABLY
NDP House Leader Mike Farnworth found a rat tail on his doorstep on Tuesday. He understood that a disgruntled opposition member was trying to send him a pointed message the night before a meeting that would have the NDP tabling a citizens' petition to eliminate the HST. This would be extremely cool as far as Canadian politics goes. Unfortunately, after stirring up all of this fuss, Farnworth concedes it was probably - shockingly! - his cat who was responsible for the distasteful "present" on the doorstep. Clearly, Mr. Farnworth has never seen The Godfather. The still-warm, still-dripping severed head of your favourite racehorse left in your bed is a message. A rat tail is just a sign of a cat who hasn't been declawed.
OH CRAP
This article highlights one of the ways in which our country is incredibly special - somehow, a recent Nanos poll has managed to show bad news for the NDP, the Liberals, AND the Conservatives. Normally, bad news for one party (CONSERVATIVES DOWN 20% - HARPER IS APPARENTLY A 'PUNK-ASS LOSER') means an uptick in popularity (aka "good news") for the others. How can a poll result be bad for every major party? I have no idea...except I sense we're going to be speaking a lot more French around here in the future.
Britain. What are you people smoking over there, and where can I get some?!
Apparently, some British scientists are recommending that single servings of cholesterol-lowering drugs called statins be given to fast-food customers along with their extra-value-double-up-big-whatever meal, in order to offset the damage done to the heart by eating food high in fat and cholesterol.
OK, I already dislike statins because I believe they give people the impression that they can just take a pill instead of making productive changes to their lifestyle in order to improve their health. Well, guess what? When you hand someone a statin with their Big Mac, you're not just giving an impression - you might as well hand out leaflets that say, "Stay on the couch! Eat Big Macs every day! Do not take the dog for a nice long walk - these pills will save you!"
And the worst part is, they won't. High LDL cholesterol is but one warning sign for heart problems - others include obesity, inactivity, and high blood pressure. Obesity and inactivity feed off each other, and tend to be supported by a diet rich in Chicken McNuggets and extra-large Cokes. High blood pressure is very commonly due to overconsumption of sodium - i.e., that stuff they sprinkle on your fries. Since dispensing statins along with SuperSize burgers only give the false impression that eating fast-food is okay, I can only assume that these scientists are actually secretly attempting to kill off much of the British population.
One more problem - the article states that statins cost "about the same as a packet of ketchup". Oh yeah? Then why the hell are some of my customers at the pharmacy paying ninety dollars a prescription for Lipitor?! Or is it only multi-national fast food conglomerates that get the special discount price?
RAT TAIL THE WORK OF EVIL POLITICAL OPPONENT...PROBABLY
NDP House Leader Mike Farnworth found a rat tail on his doorstep on Tuesday. He understood that a disgruntled opposition member was trying to send him a pointed message the night before a meeting that would have the NDP tabling a citizens' petition to eliminate the HST. This would be extremely cool as far as Canadian politics goes. Unfortunately, after stirring up all of this fuss, Farnworth concedes it was probably - shockingly! - his cat who was responsible for the distasteful "present" on the doorstep. Clearly, Mr. Farnworth has never seen The Godfather. The still-warm, still-dripping severed head of your favourite racehorse left in your bed is a message. A rat tail is just a sign of a cat who hasn't been declawed.
OH CRAP
This article highlights one of the ways in which our country is incredibly special - somehow, a recent Nanos poll has managed to show bad news for the NDP, the Liberals, AND the Conservatives. Normally, bad news for one party (CONSERVATIVES DOWN 20% - HARPER IS APPARENTLY A 'PUNK-ASS LOSER') means an uptick in popularity (aka "good news") for the others. How can a poll result be bad for every major party? I have no idea...except I sense we're going to be speaking a lot more French around here in the future.
Friday 13 August 2010
TAILINGS PONDS DON'T LOOK GOOD IN TOURISM BROCHURES
THERE IS A HUGE FLOOD IN PAKISTAN
It has been suggested that the recent flooding in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa province, especially in the Swat Valley, will affect more people than the 2004 tsunami, the earthquake in Kashmir, and the earthquake in Haiti, combined.
Fortunately, unlike Haiti, Pakistan is not a US-sponsored failed state, definitely
has nuclear weapons, and may be harbouring Taliban insurgents, so North America is free to wash its hands of Pakistan's problems. No aid concerts, no presidential envoys, and no nice photo ops with Bill Clinton.
UPDATE: The United States has made the decision to start Giving A Damn about
Pakistan, and has sent Pakistan 19 helicopters loaded with aid. Kudos to them -
and maybe we'll all forget about that time, you know, when most of New Orleans was under nine feet of water and first rescue helicopters came from Vancouver - that is, the DIAGONAL OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE CONTINENT.
LESBIANS MAKE GREAT PARENTS
Suck on this, FocusontheFamily.com!
PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THE ALBERTA OIL SANDS
Apparently, when confronted with photos of the tar sands captioned with the admonishment "Rethink Alberta", people report having negative feelings about Alberta as a pristine destination resort. As my grandpa would say, quelle surprise! Alberta, you don't have to take this! It's time to fight back, and just to help you out, I've created a new, relevant ad campaign for you:
It has been suggested that the recent flooding in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa province, especially in the Swat Valley, will affect more people than the 2004 tsunami, the earthquake in Kashmir, and the earthquake in Haiti, combined.
Fortunately, unlike Haiti, Pakistan is not a US-sponsored failed state, definitely
has nuclear weapons, and may be harbouring Taliban insurgents, so North America is free to wash its hands of Pakistan's problems. No aid concerts, no presidential envoys, and no nice photo ops with Bill Clinton.
UPDATE: The United States has made the decision to start Giving A Damn about
Pakistan, and has sent Pakistan 19 helicopters loaded with aid. Kudos to them -
and maybe we'll all forget about that time, you know, when most of New Orleans was under nine feet of water and first rescue helicopters came from Vancouver - that is, the DIAGONAL OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE CONTINENT.
LESBIANS MAKE GREAT PARENTS
Suck on this, FocusontheFamily.com!
PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THE ALBERTA OIL SANDS
Apparently, when confronted with photos of the tar sands captioned with the admonishment "Rethink Alberta", people report having negative feelings about Alberta as a pristine destination resort. As my grandpa would say, quelle surprise! Alberta, you don't have to take this! It's time to fight back, and just to help you out, I've created a new, relevant ad campaign for you:
Tuesday 3 August 2010
PEOPLE , CUBA & RESEARCHERS SUCK
THE CENSUS
The census long form used to be mailed to 1 out of 5 Canadian families, chosen at random, and its completion and return were mandatory. Now, the long form is being replaced by a voluntary survey that will be mailed out to 1 in 3 Canadian families. CUE MASSIVE DRAMA, WEIGH-INS FROM EVERYONE WHO EVER TOOK A STATISTICS CLASS, AND THE RESIGNATION OF THE STATSCAN BUREAU CHIEF.
So scrapping the long form was a terrible idea, and does nothing to alleviate the alleged problem of personal (though anonymous?) collected information being used for...well, whatever bad guys do with information like how many children you have and where you went to school. But this has been in the news for two weeks now. Come on, guys.
CODY LECOMPTE
Cody LeCompte is a 19-year-old Canadian who rented a car while in Cuba. Apparently you need to be 21 to do this, but the rental agency gave him a car anyway. While he was driving, a truck sideswiped him, causing an accident. For some reason, the Cuban government has decided to a) call Cody to trial JUST IN CASE the accident was his fault, and b) keep his passport for over three months until said trial and refuse to allow him to go home...wait a minute, what? Cuba, we LIKE you! We buy your cigars! We ignored the US when they went all embargo on your ass! We have never tried to kill Castro with exploding lily-pads or itching powder in his wetsuit! So what are you doing?!
(However, as a sidebar, it is worth noting that this has NOT happened because Cuba is a "filthy corrupt Communist country" as the Globe and Mail commenters would have us believe. Idiots.)
POOR PEOPLE ARE MORE LIKELY TO DIE FROM CANCER
In some stunning break-through research, a study published in Cancer earlier this week found that family income and 5-year survival rate are correlated in Canadian cancer patients. But how is this possible?! they query. We have universal health care! Everybody should be receiving identical treatment!
Simply put, universal health care only goes so far:
1. Lower-income families have trouble dealing with catastrophic drug costs. Newer, more effective medications are inevitably not covered by the government and inevitably cost hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars, per dose.
2. Fighting cancer, especially after chemo when your immune system is in the toilet, takes a lot of things - lots of sleep, good food, and not too much stress. Lower-income families, especially single-parent ones, often do not have this luxury.
3. Higher-income patients have a wealth of options available to them - cue-jumping by heading Stateside for treatment, paying for experimental, non-OHIP procedures, and attending private Canadian clinics. For a lower-income patient, the only choice is to accept standard, OHIP-sanctioned treatment at a Canadian hospital, even if a more effective treatment is available elsewhere.
My point? This study's results are not a surprise, and gradual privatization and a lack of a comprehensive single-payer drug plan are turning universal health care into "universal" health care.
The census long form used to be mailed to 1 out of 5 Canadian families, chosen at random, and its completion and return were mandatory. Now, the long form is being replaced by a voluntary survey that will be mailed out to 1 in 3 Canadian families. CUE MASSIVE DRAMA, WEIGH-INS FROM EVERYONE WHO EVER TOOK A STATISTICS CLASS, AND THE RESIGNATION OF THE STATSCAN BUREAU CHIEF.
So scrapping the long form was a terrible idea, and does nothing to alleviate the alleged problem of personal (though anonymous?) collected information being used for...well, whatever bad guys do with information like how many children you have and where you went to school. But this has been in the news for two weeks now. Come on, guys.
CODY LECOMPTE
Cody LeCompte is a 19-year-old Canadian who rented a car while in Cuba. Apparently you need to be 21 to do this, but the rental agency gave him a car anyway. While he was driving, a truck sideswiped him, causing an accident. For some reason, the Cuban government has decided to a) call Cody to trial JUST IN CASE the accident was his fault, and b) keep his passport for over three months until said trial and refuse to allow him to go home...wait a minute, what? Cuba, we LIKE you! We buy your cigars! We ignored the US when they went all embargo on your ass! We have never tried to kill Castro with exploding lily-pads or itching powder in his wetsuit! So what are you doing?!
(However, as a sidebar, it is worth noting that this has NOT happened because Cuba is a "filthy corrupt Communist country" as the Globe and Mail commenters would have us believe. Idiots.)
POOR PEOPLE ARE MORE LIKELY TO DIE FROM CANCER
In some stunning break-through research, a study published in Cancer earlier this week found that family income and 5-year survival rate are correlated in Canadian cancer patients. But how is this possible?! they query. We have universal health care! Everybody should be receiving identical treatment!
Simply put, universal health care only goes so far:
1. Lower-income families have trouble dealing with catastrophic drug costs. Newer, more effective medications are inevitably not covered by the government and inevitably cost hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars, per dose.
2. Fighting cancer, especially after chemo when your immune system is in the toilet, takes a lot of things - lots of sleep, good food, and not too much stress. Lower-income families, especially single-parent ones, often do not have this luxury.
3. Higher-income patients have a wealth of options available to them - cue-jumping by heading Stateside for treatment, paying for experimental, non-OHIP procedures, and attending private Canadian clinics. For a lower-income patient, the only choice is to accept standard, OHIP-sanctioned treatment at a Canadian hospital, even if a more effective treatment is available elsewhere.
My point? This study's results are not a surprise, and gradual privatization and a lack of a comprehensive single-payer drug plan are turning universal health care into "universal" health care.
Sunday 1 August 2010
THE NEWS
RUSSIAN BOMBERS FLY NEAR CANADA AND DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
On Wednesday, two Russian bombers flew into the "buffer zone" off the coast of Labrador ("up North" for those of you who are non-Canadian or simply have the same poor grasp of geography I have). In response, the Canadian military dispatched two fighter jets to shadow the Russian planes. After awhile, the Russians flew away.
Let's break this down:
1) The Conservatives have labelled this situation a "crisis", even though this apparently happens twelve to eighteen times a year.
2) The Conservatives immediately turned this situation into a political ploy to prove that Canada needs the new F-35 fighter jets they've ordered.
3) The Minister of Defence, Peter MacKay, immediately denied that the Conservatives were turning the situation (aka "crisis") into a political ploy to get new jets.
4) Peter MacKay also said this about the implication of political shoehorning: "I find it astounding there could be any suggestion that we would manufacture Russians approaching our airspace." Um, nobody suggested that, MacKay. We were only saying you guys are using an incident to bootstrap your new fighter jet program, not that you'd invented the Russians' arrival. Suspicious much?
This kind of reminds me of 30 Rock:
"Jenna, security called..."
"That's ridiculous! Why would I steal a file from HR?"
"What? Security called to tell us that our old friend Claire is downstairs."
"Oh. Right."
Now just replace "Jenna" with "Pete" and "Claire" with "political pandering" and "steal a file" with "invent some Russians", and you've got a good summary of Canadian politics. Did I mention that the Russians didn't actually do anything while they were flying around near our airspace? Yup, this is what passes for a crisis around here.
VIC TOEWS THINKS HE IS STILL THE JUSTICE MINISTER. WHICH HE IS NOT.
Apparently, the greatest miscarriage of justice that has EVER occurred in this country has nothing to do with Karla Homolka's release from prison, or the dozens of innocent men and women who were wrongly convicted, or the fact that Romeo Phillion is like ninety years old and still has to go through another trial to prove his innocence. No, according to Vic Toews, the former Justice Minister who is now in charge of Public Safety but seems blissfully unaware of this fact, believes that the "biggest mistake in criminal law...ever made" is that time back in 1983 when the word "rape" was changed to "sexual assault".
Okay, the reason that was changed in the first place is because "sexual assault" covers more crimes than "rape". "Rape" is a narrow word with a narrow definition. "Sexual assault" acknowledges that there are more illegal intrusions that can be made on a person's body besides forced penetrative intercourse. Vic Toews apparently was not satisfied with this arrangement, so he told a Senate committee that they needed to bring the word "rape" back. The Senate promptly ignored him (and, one can only hope, reminded him of his cabinet position). Go back to stop signs, Toews. "Rape" died with disco.
On Wednesday, two Russian bombers flew into the "buffer zone" off the coast of Labrador ("up North" for those of you who are non-Canadian or simply have the same poor grasp of geography I have). In response, the Canadian military dispatched two fighter jets to shadow the Russian planes. After awhile, the Russians flew away.
Let's break this down:
1) The Conservatives have labelled this situation a "crisis", even though this apparently happens twelve to eighteen times a year.
2) The Conservatives immediately turned this situation into a political ploy to prove that Canada needs the new F-35 fighter jets they've ordered.
3) The Minister of Defence, Peter MacKay, immediately denied that the Conservatives were turning the situation (aka "crisis") into a political ploy to get new jets.
4) Peter MacKay also said this about the implication of political shoehorning: "I find it astounding there could be any suggestion that we would manufacture Russians approaching our airspace." Um, nobody suggested that, MacKay. We were only saying you guys are using an incident to bootstrap your new fighter jet program, not that you'd invented the Russians' arrival. Suspicious much?
This kind of reminds me of 30 Rock:
"Jenna, security called..."
"That's ridiculous! Why would I steal a file from HR?"
"What? Security called to tell us that our old friend Claire is downstairs."
"Oh. Right."
Now just replace "Jenna" with "Pete" and "Claire" with "political pandering" and "steal a file" with "invent some Russians", and you've got a good summary of Canadian politics. Did I mention that the Russians didn't actually do anything while they were flying around near our airspace? Yup, this is what passes for a crisis around here.
VIC TOEWS THINKS HE IS STILL THE JUSTICE MINISTER. WHICH HE IS NOT.
Apparently, the greatest miscarriage of justice that has EVER occurred in this country has nothing to do with Karla Homolka's release from prison, or the dozens of innocent men and women who were wrongly convicted, or the fact that Romeo Phillion is like ninety years old and still has to go through another trial to prove his innocence. No, according to Vic Toews, the former Justice Minister who is now in charge of Public Safety but seems blissfully unaware of this fact, believes that the "biggest mistake in criminal law...ever made" is that time back in 1983 when the word "rape" was changed to "sexual assault".
Okay, the reason that was changed in the first place is because "sexual assault" covers more crimes than "rape". "Rape" is a narrow word with a narrow definition. "Sexual assault" acknowledges that there are more illegal intrusions that can be made on a person's body besides forced penetrative intercourse. Vic Toews apparently was not satisfied with this arrangement, so he told a Senate committee that they needed to bring the word "rape" back. The Senate promptly ignored him (and, one can only hope, reminded him of his cabinet position). Go back to stop signs, Toews. "Rape" died with disco.
Monday 19 July 2010
As usual, it's stupid drivers that have pushed me back onto my blog.
I just made the trek from Kingston back home - about a 4 hour drive. Some notes to other drivers:
1. If I check my rearview mirror and it looks like you're in my backseat, you're following too closely! Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I understand now - you can't tell you're tailgating because you're talking on your cell phone. Well, that's fine, then. I mean, it's not illegal or anything. Well, actually, it is, at least in this province. But I'm sure whatever you were doing was reeeaaaallllly important.
2. There was some kind of weird electromagnetic interference on the highway - so strange! Nobody's turn signals worked! The government should really look into this dangerous situation.
3. I hate my GPS. It was worse than useless today. Aside from telling me where I was twenty minutes ago and taking ages to suggest new route, it also prompted me to shout out such delightful invectives as, "You are so full of shit!" and "U-turn?! I'm on a slip road!"
4. Three words: MERGE AT SPEED!
I just made the trek from Kingston back home - about a 4 hour drive. Some notes to other drivers:
1. If I check my rearview mirror and it looks like you're in my backseat, you're following too closely! Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I understand now - you can't tell you're tailgating because you're talking on your cell phone. Well, that's fine, then. I mean, it's not illegal or anything. Well, actually, it is, at least in this province. But I'm sure whatever you were doing was reeeaaaallllly important.
2. There was some kind of weird electromagnetic interference on the highway - so strange! Nobody's turn signals worked! The government should really look into this dangerous situation.
3. I hate my GPS. It was worse than useless today. Aside from telling me where I was twenty minutes ago and taking ages to suggest new route, it also prompted me to shout out such delightful invectives as, "You are so full of shit!" and "U-turn?! I'm on a slip road!"
4. Three words: MERGE AT SPEED!
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