TAILINGS PONDS DON'T LOOK GOOD IN TOURISM BROCHURES

THERE IS A HUGE FLOOD IN PAKISTAN
It has been suggested that the recent flooding in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa province, especially in the Swat Valley, will affect more people than the 2004 tsunami, the earthquake in Kashmir, and the earthquake in Haiti, combined.
Fortunately, unlike Haiti, Pakistan is not a US-sponsored failed state, definitely
has nuclear weapons, and may be harbouring Taliban insurgents, so North America is free to wash its hands of Pakistan's problems. No aid concerts, no presidential envoys, and no nice photo ops with Bill Clinton.

UPDATE: The United States has made the decision to start Giving A Damn about
Pakistan, and has sent Pakistan 19 helicopters loaded with aid. Kudos to them -
and maybe we'll all forget about that time, you know, when most of New Orleans was under nine feet of water and first rescue helicopters came from Vancouver - that is, the DIAGONAL OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE CONTINENT.

LESBIANS MAKE GREAT PARENTS
Suck on this, FocusontheFamily.com!

PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THE ALBERTA OIL SANDS
Apparently, when confronted with photos of the tar sands captioned with the admonishment "Rethink Alberta", people report having negative feelings about Alberta as a pristine destination resort. As my grandpa would say, quelle surprise! Alberta, you don't have to take this! It's time to fight back, and just to help you out, I've created a new, relevant ad campaign for you:

PEOPLE , CUBA & RESEARCHERS SUCK

THE CENSUS
The census long form used to be mailed to 1 out of 5 Canadian families, chosen at random, and its completion and return were mandatory. Now, the long form is being replaced by a voluntary survey that will be mailed out to 1 in 3 Canadian families. CUE MASSIVE DRAMA, WEIGH-INS FROM EVERYONE WHO EVER TOOK A STATISTICS CLASS, AND THE RESIGNATION OF THE STATSCAN BUREAU CHIEF.
So scrapping the long form was a terrible idea, and does nothing to alleviate the alleged problem of personal (though anonymous?) collected information being used for...well, whatever bad guys do with information like how many children you have and where you went to school. But this has been in the news for two weeks now. Come on, guys.

CODY LECOMPTE
Cody LeCompte is a 19-year-old Canadian who rented a car while in Cuba. Apparently you need to be 21 to do this, but the rental agency gave him a car anyway. While he was driving, a truck sideswiped him, causing an accident. For some reason, the Cuban government has decided to a) call Cody to trial JUST IN CASE the accident was his fault, and b) keep his passport for over three months until said trial and refuse to allow him to go home...wait a minute, what? Cuba, we LIKE you! We buy your cigars! We ignored the US when they went all embargo on your ass! We have never tried to kill Castro with exploding lily-pads or itching powder in his wetsuit! So what are you doing?!
(However, as a sidebar, it is worth noting that this has NOT happened because Cuba is a "filthy corrupt Communist country" as the Globe and Mail commenters would have us believe. Idiots.)

POOR PEOPLE ARE MORE LIKELY TO DIE FROM CANCER
In some stunning break-through research, a study published in Cancer earlier this week found that family income and 5-year survival rate are correlated in Canadian cancer patients. But how is this possible?! they query. We have universal health care! Everybody should be receiving identical treatment!

Simply put, universal health care only goes so far:
1. Lower-income families have trouble dealing with catastrophic drug costs. Newer, more effective medications are inevitably not covered by the government and inevitably cost hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars, per dose.
2. Fighting cancer, especially after chemo when your immune system is in the toilet, takes a lot of things - lots of sleep, good food, and not too much stress. Lower-income families, especially single-parent ones, often do not have this luxury.
3. Higher-income patients have a wealth of options available to them - cue-jumping by heading Stateside for treatment, paying for experimental, non-OHIP procedures, and attending private Canadian clinics. For a lower-income patient, the only choice is to accept standard, OHIP-sanctioned treatment at a Canadian hospital, even if a more effective treatment is available elsewhere.
My point? This study's results are not a surprise, and gradual privatization and a lack of a comprehensive single-payer drug plan are turning universal health care into "universal" health care.

THE NEWS

RUSSIAN BOMBERS FLY NEAR CANADA AND DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
On Wednesday, two Russian bombers flew into the "buffer zone" off the coast of Labrador ("up North" for those of you who are non-Canadian or simply have the same poor grasp of geography I have). In response, the Canadian military dispatched two fighter jets to shadow the Russian planes. After awhile, the Russians flew away.

Let's break this down:

1) The Conservatives have labelled this situation a "crisis", even though this apparently happens twelve to eighteen times a year.

2) The Conservatives immediately turned this situation into a political ploy to prove that Canada needs the new F-35 fighter jets they've ordered.

3) The Minister of Defence, Peter MacKay, immediately denied that the Conservatives were turning the situation (aka "crisis") into a political ploy to get new jets.

4) Peter MacKay also said this about the implication of political shoehorning: "I find it astounding there could be any suggestion that we would manufacture Russians approaching our airspace." Um, nobody suggested that, MacKay. We were only saying you guys are using an incident to bootstrap your new fighter jet program, not that you'd invented the Russians' arrival. Suspicious much?
This kind of reminds me of 30 Rock:
"Jenna, security called..."
"That's ridiculous! Why would I steal a file from HR?"
"What? Security called to tell us that our old friend Claire is downstairs."
"Oh. Right."

Now just replace "Jenna" with "Pete" and "Claire" with "political pandering" and "steal a file" with "invent some Russians", and you've got a good summary of Canadian politics. Did I mention that the Russians didn't actually do anything while they were flying around near our airspace? Yup, this is what passes for a crisis around here.

VIC TOEWS THINKS HE IS STILL THE JUSTICE MINISTER. WHICH HE IS NOT.
Apparently, the greatest miscarriage of justice that has EVER occurred in this country has nothing to do with Karla Homolka's release from prison, or the dozens of innocent men and women who were wrongly convicted, or the fact that Romeo Phillion is like ninety years old and still has to go through another trial to prove his innocence. No, according to Vic Toews, the former Justice Minister who is now in charge of Public Safety but seems blissfully unaware of this fact, believes that the "biggest mistake in criminal law...ever made" is that time back in 1983 when the word "rape" was changed to "sexual assault".

Okay, the reason that was changed in the first place is because "sexual assault" covers more crimes than "rape". "Rape" is a narrow word with a narrow definition. "Sexual assault" acknowledges that there are more illegal intrusions that can be made on a person's body besides forced penetrative intercourse. Vic Toews apparently was not satisfied with this arrangement, so he told a Senate committee that they needed to bring the word "rape" back. The Senate promptly ignored him (and, one can only hope, reminded him of his cabinet position). Go back to stop signs, Toews. "Rape" died with disco.