LITTERING

Part of me can't even believe people still do this. Maybe I'm just noticing this more now that I work at a conservation centre, but roadway littering is kind of a problem, and I don't get that. Littering requires deliberate movement; avoiding littering is a non-action - it requires zero effort. DO NOT roll down your window on the expressway, DO NOT shove your McDonald's wrapper or juice box or legal documents out the window. Congratulations, you have successfully NOT LITTERED.

I understand (at least sort of) how people might not want to get off their arses and plant a tree or walk to work. But when it comes to preserving the environment by NOT doing something, how effing hard is that?! If you are purposely expending energy to give the planet the finger, you might need another hobby.

BEARDY McBEARDERSON

PART MAN, PART PIT BULL

So, Tom Mulcair is in charge of stuff now over at the NDP desk. I suffer from a fatal character flaw: I’m a pragmatist. To that end, I’m not sure it matters if Mulcair’s plan on bringing the centre to the party is indeed the opposite. I just want a clear alternative so that Canadians stop voting in the Conservatives out of poverty of choice. Harper is not just ineffective, he is actually anti-progress. His government undoes good things and good laws that already exist. The legislation it enacts (or at least attempts to enact) does not reflect reality. In their minds, the Conservatives are already governing the perfect society they apparently hope to create. Their social platform is a series of hard lines drawn in the sand; their legislation is not based on any real survey of what the population needs, but rather on fulfilling the central party dogma.

Will the omnibus crime bill lower the crime rate, lower the recidivism rate, help rehabilitate non-violent offenders before their prison education ruins them for life? It’s highly unlikely. But that’s okay, because these are the Conservatives, and Conservatives are Tough on Crime.

Or the debacle a few years back, when Tony Clement threatened to rescind InSite’s government exemption? Never mind how many overdoses InSite has prevented, how many users were saved from HIV and hep C infection, how many users accepted passage into heroin detox facilities…Tony Clement is a Conservative, and Conservatives are Tough on Drugs!

This is no way to govern; these fools have to go.

Is Mulcair too Liberal? Almost certainly. After spending more than a decade as a Liberal MNA, I have no illusions that he’s magically left-ified all of his deepset political ideas.

On the count of divisiveness, I’m inclined to count the suit for defamation as a strong strike against him; obviously he doesn’t know how to play nicely with the other children (although I really just want to know what he said). On top of that, I also think he’s spent too much time dealing with the peculiarities of Quebecois politics and risks alienating the West by having the gall to reside in Central Canada. (I have no hope for Alberta, but the CCF-CLC merger was born in Saskatchewan, so the lack of NDP seats there is rather embarrassing).

Finally, does he need a shave? Quite desperately.

But, most importantly, does he represent a viable alternative to the Conservative juggernaut? If that answer is yes, how could we disagree? With the real Liberals in disgrace, maybe the best chance this country has of unseating the fuck-ups we let in this time is to present a centre-leaning, aggressive, outspoken leader who has enough street cred with Quebec to prevent the separatists from blowing things sky-high and derailing an otherwise productive term.

Anyway, forget all of this, I don’t have much faith left in the executive branch. As far as I’m concerned, elections are a kind of placebo that exists solely to give people the illusion of choice. The real work of keeping the nation on the rails falls to the judicial arm, so consider me an amicus curiae, at least until I end up with my own defamation suit.

YOUTH CULTURE FOR THE LOSE

I REACT TO THE TOP 15
I occasionally like to check out the MM(M) Top 10/15/20 to keep just enough on top of current music that my students can make fun of me for being so "mainstream". So, I braved the first top 15 of 2012:

1. Domino (Jessie J): Remember that time when Jessie J put out Do it Like a Dude and pretty much told the world that they could listen to her stuff or kiss her gargantuan balls? Yeah, I miss that time. What's with the downturn into bland synthpop, man?

2. Sprawl II (The Arcade Fire): Shit, I hate the Arcade Fire

3. Michigan Left (The Arkells): Didn't I JUST listen to this song?

4. Love on Top (Beyonce): As much as I love a woman in a ringmaster's jacket, there is no reason funk guitar should be anywhere near this video. Or music in general.

5. Party (Beyonce): Apparently this 90s-diva thing is the intended feel for the record. Hey, at least it seems more wholesome than some of the other stuff on this list. Oh wait, what's that? "So tonight/I'll do it every way/knockin' till the morning light"? Never mind.

6. It Will Rain (Bruno Mars): Is this the guy that did that stupid "Lazy Song"? I'm putting a hit out on this kid's head.

7. Hit Me Up (Danny Fernandes): All right, this is what I'm talking about! Get rid of whoever's singing, dial up the bass, and this is sheer dancehall.

8. Don't Stop (Foster the People): I don't know. Like Franz Ferdinand, only fuzzier. Is "shitty speakers" a mix effect now?

9. One Life (Hedley): "We been up when we should have been sleeping". Exactly. Rock out responsibly, kids. Even Hedley says you should.

10. The One that Got Away (Katy Perry): So maudlin. Obviously ghost-written by me.

11. Stronger (Kelly Clarkson): Don't break up with Kelly Clarkson 'cause she will write a kick-ass song about how she doesn't need you and then who's going to be sorry?

12. Marry the Night (Lady Gaga): I don't know, guys. I'm just not crazy about this Gaga single. I'm not feeling it.

13. It (Rich Aucoin): Son, you need a shave, and your music video consists entirely of you badly reenacting scenes from famous movies.
I like you.
Seriously, though. Like, do you need a razor or something? If you're not good with blades, I can get you an electric one.

14. Our Day Will Come (Amy Winehouse): Like I'd talk shit about Winehouse even if I didn't love this track, which I do. But, Amy-girl, if we can learn anything from Back to Black and your untimely death, it's that it's much safer to love blow than puff.

15. Stand Behind the Music (Anjulie): This girl had better be twenty-one or younger. Otherwise this bad-girl screw-the-industry rant veers from charmingly brash into wake-the-hell-up territory.

Conclusion: BAD NEWS, KIDS. Most of your shit sounds exactly the same. Someone bring me a Tommy James and the Shondells LP.