BRITISH SCIENTISTS SECRETLY HATE THE ENGLISH TOO
Britain. What are you people smoking over there, and where can I get some?!
Apparently, some British scientists are recommending that single servings of cholesterol-lowering drugs called statins be given to fast-food customers along with their extra-value-double-up-big-whatever meal, in order to offset the damage done to the heart by eating food high in fat and cholesterol.
OK, I already dislike statins because I believe they give people the impression that they can just take a pill instead of making productive changes to their lifestyle in order to improve their health. Well, guess what? When you hand someone a statin with their Big Mac, you're not just giving an impression - you might as well hand out leaflets that say, "Stay on the couch! Eat Big Macs every day! Do not take the dog for a nice long walk - these pills will save you!"
And the worst part is, they won't. High LDL cholesterol is but one warning sign for heart problems - others include obesity, inactivity, and high blood pressure. Obesity and inactivity feed off each other, and tend to be supported by a diet rich in Chicken McNuggets and extra-large Cokes. High blood pressure is very commonly due to overconsumption of sodium - i.e., that stuff they sprinkle on your fries. Since dispensing statins along with SuperSize burgers only give the false impression that eating fast-food is okay, I can only assume that these scientists are actually secretly attempting to kill off much of the British population.
One more problem - the article states that statins cost "about the same as a packet of ketchup". Oh yeah? Then why the hell are some of my customers at the pharmacy paying ninety dollars a prescription for Lipitor?! Or is it only multi-national fast food conglomerates that get the special discount price?
RAT TAIL THE WORK OF EVIL POLITICAL OPPONENT...PROBABLY
NDP House Leader Mike Farnworth found a rat tail on his doorstep on Tuesday. He understood that a disgruntled opposition member was trying to send him a pointed message the night before a meeting that would have the NDP tabling a citizens' petition to eliminate the HST. This would be extremely cool as far as Canadian politics goes. Unfortunately, after stirring up all of this fuss, Farnworth concedes it was probably - shockingly! - his cat who was responsible for the distasteful "present" on the doorstep. Clearly, Mr. Farnworth has never seen The Godfather. The still-warm, still-dripping severed head of your favourite racehorse left in your bed is a message. A rat tail is just a sign of a cat who hasn't been declawed.
OH CRAP
This article highlights one of the ways in which our country is incredibly special - somehow, a recent Nanos poll has managed to show bad news for the NDP, the Liberals, AND the Conservatives. Normally, bad news for one party (CONSERVATIVES DOWN 20% - HARPER IS APPARENTLY A 'PUNK-ASS LOSER') means an uptick in popularity (aka "good news") for the others. How can a poll result be bad for every major party? I have no idea...except I sense we're going to be speaking a lot more French around here in the future.
