I AM NOT GETTING OUT OF BED TODAY

This country has made me far too serious.

A friend sent me an essay that drew together three threads of human tragedy, which I won't further elaborate upon, as the author hasn't given consent and I've no idea if he intends to publish. Suffice to say that it explores our inadequacies as humans. One of many intriguing considerations is our inability for any remedy, any kind word or embrace, to relieve the pain of the most fundamentally damaged.

I do not like to think of myself or any human, indeed, as damaged in ways beyond repair. But what stops us from being so? Some divine law preventing unfairness? Karma? The healing power of the universe? There is little justice on earth, especially where the law casts its shadow. It must be in the afterlife, then, that we are rewarded or condemned for our choices. Maybe that’s so. But it is guaranteed that this life, at least, may be filled with much more suffering than hope.

I have, after great struggle, found my own sense of God. But His existence does not mean, in my mind, a corresponding sense of purpose, or dedication to goodness, or even a natural order or process of events. Atheists live in a world where our existence was brought on by chance, and by the laws of physics; I would argue that the world of believers is worse. We live in an existence where God is real but cannot alleviate our suffering; our clockworks have been assembled by the Watchmaker but we have broken nonetheless; God created us of nothing but set us at odds with the rest of creation. If we are the chosen ones, meant to speak and read and invent, then our heartlessness and corruptibility means we have somehow broken a sacred contract. And if we are not, if we rose by accident long after the hand of God finished molding our planet, then our awfulness is inherent to all creatures; any living thing that becomes sentient will also likely take on our bizarre mix of good and evil. Chimpanzees, our closest living relatives, are also the only other animals besides ourselves known to kill for fun. Either our nature is a violation of God’s intent, or it is a symptom of self-awareness. Neither is palatable.

I will not say that there is no goodness in us, just that our goodness is so fleeting, so difficult to transform into real, tangible things. We are indeed crippled by the vast difference between intent and results. Some people are irreparably damaged and it is almost certainly other humans that damaged them. We are indentured to Nature at birth, but worse, we are indentured to each other. We rely on each other to survive, and yet, we too often make it difficult for each other. We hurt those who create for us, underestimate their needs, punish them for trying to negate their own pain - even for trying to negate ours. Our goodness is mired in mediocrity, hate, imagined differences, bitterness, jealousy, apathy. Each one of us creates suffering or hope; failure to produce one is a de facto creation of the other. Not enough of us create hope so it is suffering that overwhelms us. 

So part of me believes there is other life out there. All of me believes it is smart enough to stay the hell away from us. 

Facts I have learned about the British today:

1. Southwark = "suth-erk"
2. The Tube is basically like the TTC, except apparently British people are quite short because the ceiling is about six foot at the max.
3. 5p looks like a dime, 10p looks like a quarter, 2p looks like a loonie, and the tiny, unassuming bronze thing is a pound.
4. "Walk left stand right" is exactly the same as back home, not the opposite, as I was told it would be.
5. Although it LOOKS like you can go through a Tube gate with your Oyster card from either direction, this is not true. There is a tiny X or green check telling you if you can pass through that side or not.
6. Street signs. Where are they?

USING GUNS TO STOP PEOPLE FROM USING GUNS IS A GREAT IDEA, YOU GUYS

I am late to the party on this one but I spend too much time trawling the Internet and running across macros like these in the months since the tragedy at Sandy Hook:

The NRA (and apparently some young people with too much time on their hands) believe that teachers should be armed to defend against school shooters. This is a terrible, terrible idea. The argument that one needs guns to defend oneself from other maniacs with guns is bullshit; what is really necessary is better control, licensing, and regulation, so that nobody has a gun and everybody avoids ballistics-related injuries at school. Virtually all of the weapons used in school shootings are obtained legally and legitimately, but the NRA somehow thinks the problem lies in a LACK of guns.

I mean, sure, it’s technically possible to fix a problem with more of that same problem. For example, the government could probably get rid of drug dealers by importing and distributing kilos and kilos of heroin – effectively flooding the market, dropping the price of a piece through the floor, and putting dealers out of business. But you don’t see anybody jumping at THAT plan, do you? Just because something will technically work doesn’t automatically make it the best plan, or even a feasible one.

Arming teachers is a similarly terrible idea. This residual Cold-War obsession with mutually assured destruction doesn’t work on a small scale because school shooters aren’t afraid of their own destruction. Arming teachers doesn’t keep maniacs out of schools, it just increases the likelihood that more children will be caught in the crossfire.

Oh, also? The spokesman for the Israeli Foreign Ministry says the comparison between terrorism in Israel and school shootings in the US is nonsense, and that Israel actually depends on incredibly strict gun licensing laws. Nice try, Neo-Republican Assholes.

LITTERING

Part of me can't even believe people still do this. Maybe I'm just noticing this more now that I work at a conservation centre, but roadway littering is kind of a problem, and I don't get that. Littering requires deliberate movement; avoiding littering is a non-action - it requires zero effort. DO NOT roll down your window on the expressway, DO NOT shove your McDonald's wrapper or juice box or legal documents out the window. Congratulations, you have successfully NOT LITTERED.

I understand (at least sort of) how people might not want to get off their arses and plant a tree or walk to work. But when it comes to preserving the environment by NOT doing something, how effing hard is that?! If you are purposely expending energy to give the planet the finger, you might need another hobby.

BEARDY McBEARDERSON

PART MAN, PART PIT BULL

So, Tom Mulcair is in charge of stuff now over at the NDP desk. I suffer from a fatal character flaw: I’m a pragmatist. To that end, I’m not sure it matters if Mulcair’s plan on bringing the centre to the party is indeed the opposite. I just want a clear alternative so that Canadians stop voting in the Conservatives out of poverty of choice. Harper is not just ineffective, he is actually anti-progress. His government undoes good things and good laws that already exist. The legislation it enacts (or at least attempts to enact) does not reflect reality. In their minds, the Conservatives are already governing the perfect society they apparently hope to create. Their social platform is a series of hard lines drawn in the sand; their legislation is not based on any real survey of what the population needs, but rather on fulfilling the central party dogma.

Will the omnibus crime bill lower the crime rate, lower the recidivism rate, help rehabilitate non-violent offenders before their prison education ruins them for life? It’s highly unlikely. But that’s okay, because these are the Conservatives, and Conservatives are Tough on Crime.

Or the debacle a few years back, when Tony Clement threatened to rescind InSite’s government exemption? Never mind how many overdoses InSite has prevented, how many users were saved from HIV and hep C infection, how many users accepted passage into heroin detox facilities…Tony Clement is a Conservative, and Conservatives are Tough on Drugs!

This is no way to govern; these fools have to go.

Is Mulcair too Liberal? Almost certainly. After spending more than a decade as a Liberal MNA, I have no illusions that he’s magically left-ified all of his deepset political ideas.

On the count of divisiveness, I’m inclined to count the suit for defamation as a strong strike against him; obviously he doesn’t know how to play nicely with the other children (although I really just want to know what he said). On top of that, I also think he’s spent too much time dealing with the peculiarities of Quebecois politics and risks alienating the West by having the gall to reside in Central Canada. (I have no hope for Alberta, but the CCF-CLC merger was born in Saskatchewan, so the lack of NDP seats there is rather embarrassing).

Finally, does he need a shave? Quite desperately.

But, most importantly, does he represent a viable alternative to the Conservative juggernaut? If that answer is yes, how could we disagree? With the real Liberals in disgrace, maybe the best chance this country has of unseating the fuck-ups we let in this time is to present a centre-leaning, aggressive, outspoken leader who has enough street cred with Quebec to prevent the separatists from blowing things sky-high and derailing an otherwise productive term.

Anyway, forget all of this, I don’t have much faith left in the executive branch. As far as I’m concerned, elections are a kind of placebo that exists solely to give people the illusion of choice. The real work of keeping the nation on the rails falls to the judicial arm, so consider me an amicus curiae, at least until I end up with my own defamation suit.

YOUTH CULTURE FOR THE LOSE

I REACT TO THE TOP 15
I occasionally like to check out the MM(M) Top 10/15/20 to keep just enough on top of current music that my students can make fun of me for being so "mainstream". So, I braved the first top 15 of 2012:

1. Domino (Jessie J): Remember that time when Jessie J put out Do it Like a Dude and pretty much told the world that they could listen to her stuff or kiss her gargantuan balls? Yeah, I miss that time. What's with the downturn into bland synthpop, man?

2. Sprawl II (The Arcade Fire): Shit, I hate the Arcade Fire

3. Michigan Left (The Arkells): Didn't I JUST listen to this song?

4. Love on Top (Beyonce): As much as I love a woman in a ringmaster's jacket, there is no reason funk guitar should be anywhere near this video. Or music in general.

5. Party (Beyonce): Apparently this 90s-diva thing is the intended feel for the record. Hey, at least it seems more wholesome than some of the other stuff on this list. Oh wait, what's that? "So tonight/I'll do it every way/knockin' till the morning light"? Never mind.

6. It Will Rain (Bruno Mars): Is this the guy that did that stupid "Lazy Song"? I'm putting a hit out on this kid's head.

7. Hit Me Up (Danny Fernandes): All right, this is what I'm talking about! Get rid of whoever's singing, dial up the bass, and this is sheer dancehall.

8. Don't Stop (Foster the People): I don't know. Like Franz Ferdinand, only fuzzier. Is "shitty speakers" a mix effect now?

9. One Life (Hedley): "We been up when we should have been sleeping". Exactly. Rock out responsibly, kids. Even Hedley says you should.

10. The One that Got Away (Katy Perry): So maudlin. Obviously ghost-written by me.

11. Stronger (Kelly Clarkson): Don't break up with Kelly Clarkson 'cause she will write a kick-ass song about how she doesn't need you and then who's going to be sorry?

12. Marry the Night (Lady Gaga): I don't know, guys. I'm just not crazy about this Gaga single. I'm not feeling it.

13. It (Rich Aucoin): Son, you need a shave, and your music video consists entirely of you badly reenacting scenes from famous movies.
I like you.
Seriously, though. Like, do you need a razor or something? If you're not good with blades, I can get you an electric one.

14. Our Day Will Come (Amy Winehouse): Like I'd talk shit about Winehouse even if I didn't love this track, which I do. But, Amy-girl, if we can learn anything from Back to Black and your untimely death, it's that it's much safer to love blow than puff.

15. Stand Behind the Music (Anjulie): This girl had better be twenty-one or younger. Otherwise this bad-girl screw-the-industry rant veers from charmingly brash into wake-the-hell-up territory.

Conclusion: BAD NEWS, KIDS. Most of your shit sounds exactly the same. Someone bring me a Tommy James and the Shondells LP.

FELLOW HUMANS:

People, I cannot stress this enough: DO NOT FIRE GUNS INTO THE AIR.

Yes, the bullet will go up. Yes, at some point, its velocity will reach zero. But after that, it will fall back to Earth, and the effect of acceleration due to gravity will make sure it is travelling very, very fast on its return trip. Just like that penny thrown off the CN tower, a bullet falling from a thousand feet is going to hurt.